Comedic love poem

i'll be yours,
if you'll be mine.
be there for you
anywhere, anytime.
and if you decide
to keep me by your side,
you need not worry at all.
i'll catch you if you fall,
hold you tight
if you're scared at night,
wipe your tears if you cry.
and if a villain should try
to treat you poorly,
they will regret it sorely.
for their head will meet
my fists and feet.
and they will bleed
until their pupils recede.
then none will ever dare
to holler at you or stare.
we'll be happy and feared.
it will be lovely, my dear.
i'll be yours,
if you'll be mine.
be there for you
anywhere, anytime.